When? Soon... That's When...

Hello Madam, I am a pizza delivery guy and my investment in foreign currency just made me a multi-millionaire... so I pulled in the first driveway I saw when I got my tweet... I want you to have this pizza and can you drive a stick? The car is yours too... A limo is picking me up here...

So someone says, the iraqi dinar is revaluing tomorrow and that I should get some immediately, so I fly to the post office and get my order in the mail... 4 years later I am still waiting... but listen to me... the RV is tomorrow... Sell some eggs, donate some feathers to a pillow maker, whatever it takes, get some money and get an order for dinar in the mail before 5pm... It really is revaluing tomorrow... a hundred dollar investment is slated for a 4000% return... why am I so sure that this time is really it? My banker wiggled his eyebrows today... I have been banking there 8 years and this is the first time he ever EVER wiggled his eyebrows at me! My wife says she thinks he had an itchy nose but yeah right...itchy nose just as I happen to be making a deposit? Seriously, that coincidence is mathmatically astronomical... 

I got run over by a truck last night... That's 8... I am on my last one and still no Iraqi dinar RV... 

We need to escape before 5pm... Get to the post office and renew our layaway...just like we did last month before they recaptured us... You ask to see your lawyer and I fake being sick... when the guard unshackles us we get the drop on him... we hold him hostage long enough to get our envelope to dinar banker time stamped... and mailed... We need this to RV before the guard figures out we escape every month around this time and go to the post office... forming a pattern could ruin everything... Unless we can get him to buy dinar too... then maybe he will mail our layaway payments for us... It's either that or we give up and count what blessings we have ... like whatever that crap is they feed us...

It's getting harder and harder to be reptilian these days... we get blamed for everything... seems to me once the global currency reset makes us rich we should consider a species change operation... 

Hello this is Dinar Riches may I help you? Oh I'm sorry we sold our last dinar a minute ago but if you like we have some zimbabwe notes... 100 trillion for twenty dollars... word is they will be dropping 6 zeroes and multiplying by 22 cents... I think that translates to 22 million dollars... do I find this concept ludicrous? Well of course I do... but you sound horribly uneducated and drunk so you need to hurry we are almost out of Zimbabwe notes and after that... this once in a life time opportunity to live in a fantasy world will be up and your trailer will still be a trailer....

Bankers all over the world are falling from ledges to their deaths and investigators are saying why hurry the investigation...

why doesn't anyone I tell about the global currency reset believe me?

for the price of that coffee you could have been a millionaire... I just bought a million Vietnamese dong and when they revalue I am divorcing my husband, getting plastic surgery and partying like it's 1999... which by the way is the year I graduated college and started teaching... the last time I had an hour to myself I didn't have to grade papers... yep... rich over night... new life... new me... buying a Harley-- suck my exhaust I'm gone... I'll drop you a post card from Mexico... Me and my new 25 year old lesbian lover in Cancun... yep... I shall bequeath you my desk organizer... you really could use one... 

As your wealth manager I urge you to sell the Penthouse and get more dinar... Once it revalues you can buy the penthouse back... I mean come on... you haven't had a hit record since the 70s and a broke rock star is like a wealth manager with a broke rock star as a client... By the way I did your last line... 

Scams and Misdemeanors

I have been sitting here all night wondering whether the entire Iraqi dinar revaluation and global currency reset is some sort of massive conspiracy to sell worthless paper to get rich quick dreamers and I have concluded... If so... Then I want in... We need to get a blog...

Maybe it isn't a psychological aversion to getting a job like the rest of us... Maybe the Iraqi dinar really is going to make our brother a multi-millionaire and he will gloat and we will hate him even more than we already do... I think we should go back to the first idea... No one will ever find him because no one will ever MISS him... We can't risk him ever saying I TOLD YOU SO... could never look myself in the mirror again... We do it during that Tony person's call so we can sneak up behind him.and hit him with a big superfantaSTICK ...

Mikey.... When you are done painting the ceiling I need you to design some new money... but no naked people! You hear me?

Oh no... it's bad enough I had to sign an NDA I am not signing a plea agreement in advance...

Jeesh Eve...TSA not only took your shirt and my pants but I think they stole our Iraqi Dinar... The Cradel of Civilization/Babylon customs is one fascist check point let me tell you... You see how that snake was looking at you?

Tony said that DC said that RayRen said that Wethrin said that Pam said that Dan said that Tony ate a hot dog at 7/11 and didn't pay for it...

Designing new money is harder than I thought... They told me to draw something that doesn't seem scary like pyramids with eyes and mythological beasts or slave owners but... jeesh, what else is there?

I have no idea what galactic lightworkers have to do with the global currency reset, we don't even use money but an order is an order... fly to Earth by April 16 2014 and protect the banks from busloads of redneck rich idiots.... Staking out a Wells Fargo parking lot now... banks don't open for a few more hours... I made good time.... setting Taser on  medium stun...

For just 25000 Iraqi dinars a day you can send an orphaned elephant to circus camp...uh... sorry.... I don't get this one... what if we instead say... something like a clown and his elephant were arrested today for using internet blogs to sell people bogus currency... I know that sucks too... maybe we need a camel to hawk dinar...he can have a catch phrase like, "I have a hunch the RV is Tuesday...or...um...we can take lunch and call the writers back in?

I fought in Nam, you fought in the first Gulf War and where has it gotten us? ... well... I suppose gay marriage is something... did you pick up the wedding dress? I am going to be sooo pretty... Remember the drill... RV Tuesday, exchange Wednesday, wealth manager Thursday... Airport Friday... We get married in Honolulu and Goddamn it, live happily ever fucking after...Unless you want to be the bride then we got a problem....

The Honeymoon Is Almost Over...

No the Unicorns won't be coming they don't believe in the flood... but then they think they are going to get rich from Iraqi dinar... hahaha...

I call it currency... say I want to pay you for ... I don't know... cleaning out my cave... we agree what that is worth to you and I compensate you with that amount... each currency has denominations like for the rock money, nickle, dime and quarter and for the wood money, dollar, 5 dollar, 10 dollar... but for the purpose of trade between countries the overall currency has a value... so say I go from Mesopotamia to Iowa... I will need to change the currency to that country's value... I know you are thinking who determines that? Well... For this discussion let's call them a small enclave of rat bastards...

Warning to all Iraqi dinarians... don't forget to eat...

Umm.. would you consider letting me pay for my Mr. Cheesey and Fry with Iraqi Dinar and can you give me change at 3 dollars and 71 cents per dinar?

When we get rich from the global currency reset Dad can we get flat screens in our bedrooms and  can we take sis on an African safari and feed her to a lion?

No Principal White, I am not going to college I put my lawn mowing money into Vietnamese Dong and Iraqi Dinar and when the global currency reset happens I am going to take the money and buy a million lottery tickets and with those odds... I can retire by the time I am 19...

So let me get this straight, you began to see everyone shapeshifting into rats after your 42nd auto-extension on your currency dealer layaway? 

Do you think after we become multi-millionaires with the global currency reset we can get a TV stand?

Promise me you won't be mad? I took our honeymoon money and I bought 5 million Iraqi dinar...

before you start screaming I want you to listen to this guy named Tony... 

Hard Knocks...

Ohhh no you don't... Not only are you a horrible husband, a terrible father, and an idiot investor... Iraqi dinar....what a moron... but you are a lousy hitter... if anyone is going to pinch hit for Junior it's going to be his mother... Not only did I bat 300 in college but my degree in finance allowed us to invest wisely enough to live in the suburbs... Ump... tell him to give me the bat and not to contest our divorce and that the Iraqi dinar is a scam!

I was told on the internet this Iraqi dinar note was worth a million dollars and I need you to give me the million dollars so I can go to Walmart and get my son some Robitussin for his sniffling and pick up some ketchup... My boyfriend told me if I forget the ketchup he will make me sleep with the dogs on the porch... 

Dadburn fork in the road... How did we end up in Babylon?

Did it RV I walked away from the computer for one second and the RV happened didn't it????

Umm... No... sorry... I wanted to make my student loan payment but my layaway at Sterling Currency Group was due... Hey you are the idiots that gave me the loan... I could have told you I was destined to be a loser... You should have asked that on the loan application...

Thankfully the last time I was here Jesus threw the money changers out of the temple... so I don't think I will have to worry about money changing... 

 Do you think the global currency reset will be taught in future history classes and there will be a chapter on how you and I bought Zimbabwe currency and became the King and Queen of Earth... Or do you think I am over thinking it?

After the Iraq dinar revalues I am going to buy this place, fire you... move this drunk guy in the back... put the pool table by the Foosball table and the foosball table by the door, and serve hot mustard and pretzels... Give me one on the house and I will reconsider you for head bartender....

So I was told to take it to a bank and they will throw us a party, give us wealth perks and a black gold card or something like that and to praise God but I don't think we really have to do that part...

Tips From Strangers

No this is a crowbar... You are looking for the wealth manager offices across the street...  Don't tell me you are listening to Exogen? They are just going to laugh at you... Iraqi Dinar right? My wife's into that... Future nest carpeting...

I'm sorry but our bank doesn't accept worthless money... You might want to try Chucky Cheese across the street...

Ummm... Excuse me... I couldn't help but notice you are a broke dirty homeless man... I have a tip for you...

Vietnamese Dong... Here let me give you 5 dollars... Order a million from that currency exchange and when they revalue... Pay it forward by taking a bath....

Remember 4 years ago when I told you to invest everything you have in the Iraqi dinar and you said it was a scam? It is still not a scam and you are welcome for the tip....

My Wealth manager gave me two lousy tips... Invest in the global currency reset and that strip clubs in dairy states were hot....

Capitalism is nearing extinction what you need to do is diversify your currency portfolio... I hear Zimbawe dollar is going to knock off 6 zeroes and come out at 22 cents... That means we can be millionaires for like 20 dollars... You are going to eat me aren't you?

No the value is still not 10... It remains as a fraction of a penny... Seriously consider getting a job in the mean time... at least until either your career as a cavewall artist takes off or your investment in foreign currency pays out... and no I still have no interest in making a baby...

Stupid weather channel.... stupid CNBC Cramer... invest in dinar... evolve your portfolio he says... Tells me a million Iraqi dinar is a minimal investment of a banana... It was my last banana... Stupid rain forest... stupid Cramer...

I'm waiting on Fed Ex to bring me my currency and Fed Ex is waiting on me to invent the wheel...

Hahaha... This idiot bought Iraqi Dinar... If he only had a brain...

RV...mumble mumble...sputter... Millionaire... mumble... Okie... No no... don't.... The plane's wings are made of Jello... Nooooooo....mmmm... Jello... who ate my pink paper jello cake? Mumble mumble sputter... make funny shirts... about RV... pay Landlord... He thinks you are a worthless piece of cheese... who moved my cheese...